So as most of you may know my husband has been away since January doing business in Kansas City. Leaving me and the kiddies back home since the kids are in school. Not going to lie, it has been HARD! With little time to talk or FaceTime, the kids and I at most times have just been down right sad.
I in no way shape or form consider myself to be a "single parent" or to live in a "one parent home". My husband is still our provider and I still call and seek his input on just about everything. He is just "away".
During his time away he would come home once a month for the weekend with his team for training purposes. It was GREAT! Even though I would see him for 36 hours a month, I was able to cope with that reality. I knew he would be leaving soon and I would see him in a few weeks again. I was creating a well oiled machine at home to keep me occupied( even more) and it would give me a goal to make sure that I had changed or added something to our home before he returned. Kind of like a little surprise for him when he walked in the door. I always want him to be happy and at peace when he gets home so finding little projects to accomplish before he arrives is really exciting for me!
But this last visit was different.
In a lot of ways it was eye opening, harder and just down right confusing! Normally he would be down the first weekend of the month but this time it was at the end of the month! Almost 2 months away! They didn't have training the first weekend of May like they normally would have, they had this huge event towards the end of the month for 4 days!
He arrived Wednesday night and everything was perfect! No kids up late arguing, the house was clean, home cooked meal waiting for him and a bottle or 3 of some of his favorite wine! This was the set up to a perfect 4 day reunion... or it should have been.
As I have stated before I am a pretty emotional person lol.. ok a lot, so it didn't take much for me to turn this wonderful occasion into a sad an over emotional one!
Having my husband back for 4 days was actually harder than when he would just come for the weekend. Life started to feel "normal" again. He was there when I woke up and got the kids ready for school, I would wait up for him to return home after meetings all day, we went to church together and even attempted to watch a movie( I fell asleep in the first 10 minutes). I felt complete.
Next thing I know....
Friday evening came pretty quick and so did a dark cloud of blah! I knew our time together for the weekend was coming close to an end. All the haze from happiness was gone, and I seen into my future and it was not appealing. I knew that in a few short lived 2 days, he would be back on a plane to KC to do more business.
At one point I felt like I was being tortured. My life was normal again and then rrriiiiipppp, it was torn away right in front of me. It was gone! I also felt guilty. I knew the reason he had come back and I knew it would take a lot if not all of his time, I just couldn't help but to be, well.. sad. Like I said before I am super emotional and you can pretty much tell how I feel when you look at me, so of course that put a damper on his time as well. I mean honestly who wants to come home to a sour spouse?
But after tons of tears and kisses to make me feel better and "let's talk" moments,It was finally time for him to leave. The moment he got out of the car I instantly regretted every thing that went "wrong" that weekend.I kinda had my own "Come to Jesus" moment in the car lol. I wanted to hop in the DeLorean and get a second chance at the now over weekend. I know that what he is doing is important and I know that we must make sacrifices now for the life that we want to have later.
All in all I really believe that the brief weekend we spent together was a foreshadow of what my life could be in less than a week. The kids and I will be spending our summer in Kansas City with him and it also will eventually come to an end. So, I can either cherish and enjoy every moment we have together, or I can ruin it by only thinking of the outcome.
I know it's not ideal but hey.... I told you I have a crazy life lol